This year left me a different person. I spent the last days of 2015 screaming on the top of my lungs that 2016 would be MY year and I ended up whispering this is definitely not my year. But maybe it was? I spent all year being a party pooper, crying over events and people that ended up shaping me into a person with a better, stronger mindset. This is something I’ve only realized a day ago and there are only 4 more days left of the year. So I better walk walk walk and pose through these last few days, right? That’s why, after having focussed on how horrible this year was, I now want to focus on a few things that made this year not as bad as I thought.
This year started off the worst way I thought I could ever imagine. Seeing someone you care so deeply about drop you like you’ve never been friends breaks your heart in ways a lover can’t. But that person made room for some people who gave me so much joy, happiness and friendship this year. My friends are the lights of my life and I definitely realized that a lot more this year. From birthday video messages to high school musical sleepovers to heartfelt conversations; they have my heart.
Learning has never been my strongest point. The school kind. I value education and becoming a journalist a lot, but I can’t get myself to learn for finals. I can spend hours getting lost in a book, writing or editing a video, but when it comes to studying my mind shuts down. This led to a summer filled with breakdowns and retakes. I continuously called this summer the worst summer ever, feeling less smarter than my friends, because they had all the freedom in the world. But what’s wrong with having a short learning curve? What’s wrong with having to do things over? What’s wrong with learning a little slower? Well, absolutely nothing.
Boys. Where do I even start. This was probably the first year in my life where I put myself out there and let me tell you; boys are a different species. I put myself out there in a way that I valued their opinions more than my own and I don’t know why. I’ve always done so perfectly fine on my own and I still do, so why do I care so much? The amount of times I blurred out ‘Ugh, boys ruin my life’ this year is a number I definitely can’t count on one hand. But was it really their fault? No. Of course, being an asshole isn’t cute and it’s something you can’t justify. But maybe I should be careful putting so much of myself in someone else when I don’t even know who I am and what I want. Another important lesson learned.
I could ramble on and on about this year and the way it changed me, but I probably already lost your attention by now. I don’t even know where I’m trying to go with this mess of words. It’s just that it’s so important to take something positive out of something that hurt you at the time. Maybe you thought about this year with a negative mindset as well, but did it really suck as much as you thought it did?
See you in 2017.
All my love, Anouk